it's a boy

Wow. What a feeling. I woke up to the sound of the rain on our window pane and our baby boy gently kicking my side. I grabbed Kerry’s hand and pulled it over me around to the other side of my belly, and he immediately said, “whoa.” He could feel it too. :)

I remember when I was pregnant and in labor with Rovun, and I couldn’t see or imagine what it would be like to meet him, because I had never met my baby before. I was in labor for 50 hours with him, and I didn’t know it at the time, but that definitely made his labor even harder because it felt like there was no end in sight. Ehver is our rainbow baby, so that pregnancy was just completely different all together. Because we use a Fertility Awareness Based Method for birth control and family planning (@WonderMethod), we were able to get pregnant right away with both Rovun and Willow 🌈 (baby before Ehver). When we lost Willow early in my pregnancy, it took my heart a long time to recover, and therefore my body as well. When I finally stopped bleeding, the recommendation was to wait one cycle before trying again to conceive. So we did, and expected to get pregnant right away with the next baby, but we didn’t. It took 2-3 months, which I know for those who’ve been waiting YEARS it doesn’t seem long, but for my heart after loss, it felt like forever. It gives me a greater sense of compassion for those still waiting, praying for them often to receive their miracle and their gift from God that He promises.

One day I was meditating and spending time with the Lord doing a program I love called Heart Physics by Dr. Jim Richards. In my time with the Lord, I actually saw him bring Ehver to me, and give her to “me” or more so, my body. I opened my eyes full of tears just as Kerry was walking in (we lived in the tiniest apartment in southern California then) and I told him, “I think I’m pregnant…” and I was. 😭

My pregnancy with Ehver was so much different than I anticipated, because while I was so thrilled to have her, I longed for and missed my baby before her that I never got to meet. It was a very conflicting time filled with so many emotions. Now she is 3-years-old, and I literally can’t imagine life without her. Others said that I would feel this way, but in the moment I just couldn’t get past my pain. She is unbelievably hands down one of the best gifts in this entire world and to this world, I’m so thankful I get to be her mom. From the moment I held her in my arms, my love was so strong and so passionate. She didn’t come the way I imagined, but God still works everything together for good. And I know we will all meet her sister who paved the way before her one day… and we ALL are looking forward to that.

Because my labor was so long with Rovun, I tried to imagine giving birth to Ehver and bringing her to me. For both of their pregnancies, we never found out what we were having. It was a surprise. We had a feeling for both of them which sex the baby was from the beginning, which of course got muddied with others thoughts and opinions (harmless intent I”m sure), but our initial “feeling” has always been right on. THIS time, we decided we wanted to find out. Our oldest, Rovun (6 years-old), asked God for a vision of the baby when we first told him we were expecting. He told us it was a boy (he did the same thing when I was pregnant with Ehver when he was 3-years-old, and told me the Holy Spirit told him that it was a girl). When people would ask if we knew what we were having yet early on in our pregnancy, which looked further along because my belly is soooo big 😇, Rovun would tell everyone we already know it’s a boy. So you can imagine, that it was the CUTEST thing ever in the ultra-sound room when our Dr. asked us if we wanted to find out what we were having, followed by our smiles and nods, her saying “It’s for sure a boy.” Rovun was just smiling and doing his Rovun thing, walking around the room with swag just explaining how he knew that’s what God said with the biggest smile. I loved it. We all did. It was such a great memory I will for sure cherish for a long time.

Just the other day we were ordering some yummy food at my favorite little organic restaurant and the hostess said to me, “You have such a beautiful family. Do you know what you’re having?” I smiled and said, “Yes. It’s a boy.”

Could you imagine if I had said, “No, we’re going to let the baby decide emotionally while he’s still young and doesn’t quite understand the beauty and purpose of his design yet…..”

…..

….that would be ABSURD. From the beginning, from the womb, babies are designed with purpose and intent, along with an XX chromosome or an XY chromosome. You can even scientifically get blood work done before their genitals are finished being formed and detectable by an ultra-sound scan that will confirm if it’s a boy or girl. And LONG after we’re gone, our bones will still hold our God-given XX or XY chromosomes. IT’S CREATION. IT’S SCIENCE. It’s part of WHO you are! It’s part of your PURPOSE and GIFT in life. To create life again with YOUR SEED, whether male or female, WE NEED BOTH.

I have compassion AND love for those struggling with understanding their identity, followed by a misunderstanding of their gender. Anyone walking through this needs to be surrounded with love, kindness and GUIDANCE that is TRUTH-FILLED and not based solely on emotions, which we all know can lead astray (like the time I literally wanted to punch the Costco employee in the face for bullying me and my kids, but didn’t, because I knew my EMOTIONS were strong and that ACTION could lead to more harm than good). This is BY NO MEANS an attack or hate-filled ideas of those walking through this or to those misguiding them. It’s a loving correction like we give our kids when they are trying to touch a hot stove that could burn them. We love them just as they are, God loves us just as we are, God loves YOU just as you are. YOU WERE CREATED WITH A PURPOSE AND A PLAN BY YOUR MAKER FAR BEFORE YOU EVEN TOOK A BREATH IN THIS WORLD.

Our baby is a boy. Science tells us, my body tells us, his body tells us, God told us. Why would we ever want to change that? We accept it as truth when they’re in the womb, why would it be any different when they are outside of the womb? Aren’t they still the same person, with the same blood-type, and same heart-beat? Aren’t they who they were made to be? Do they change when they come through the birth-canal, or when they go to school, or when they get hurt in life, of physically abused, or emotionally tormented, or become famous, or create an amazing company, or write a hit-song, or become a parent?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. We were and are, ALL created equal, each one of us. We ALL have been given CHOICE by our Creator. He doesn’t force us. What we choose, we will have to answer for. WHY then are we trying to encourage others in this understanding of identity, especially when they are young and don’t actually have the understanding to choose? Or when they aren’t given all of the information, or all of the TRUE information for that matter? Or when they are broken and need healing? Or when they’ve never been heard before this because no one cared, no one actually showed them that they mattered? That’s a choice WE will have to answer for as well.